Nobody told me
I feel that “nobody” told me how motherhood was really like! I feel, that if I knew it was going to be this challenging for me, I would have prob done things differently. Was I not listening, or was just unable to grasp the concepts before I went through motherhood myself? Anyone feels the same? Totally different?
I remember hearing new moms talk about how hard it was and I blew all of the info off.
I knew that would not be ME! I’d have a baby who slept, didn’t cry, didn’t whine, was potty trained easily and on and on.
In other words, I was the perfect parent right up until the minute I gave birth and then, like a sudden squall, I was like every mother in the world, happy, scared, teary with love, teary with dread and wondering what the hell I’d gotten myself into! Fast forward to today, I made it! I survived as did my now adult children!
All this to say - the feeling of betrayal by society, other mothers, my own mom, feels very real… I want to be much more open with my own daughter about the responsibility it is to nurture and support life to grow and thrive. It truly is no small thing… it’s honestly one of the most sacred acts we can ever participate in… I hope we can begin to see and name it in this way. It would be good for all of us.
One thing I remember feeling in early postpartum is that while you might have someone around to tell you it’s going to be hard, I don’t think anyone can tell you exactly what will be hard about it. My best friend shared quite a bit, but the things that were hard for me were not for her (I felt easily touched out and overstimulated while those weren’t big problems for her). I think in general we greatly lack the language to be able to communicate the depth of the postpartum experience, and in addition to that, there is often a cultural pressure to just make it work, put on a happy face, be a good mom, etc. I always try to have these conversations with moms and no matter how close we are, I encounter a lot of reluctance to share their truth without sugarcoating.
